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Man and Sex

The way man view sex and develop their sexual attitudes and behavior has a lot to do with the way they grow up and this applies to most men through out the world. Starting from infancy the predominant message with which a man grows up is that ‘men don’t cry’. In fact, he is not expected to show any of the normal emotions, with the exception of three: sex, anger and humor. This message is given to him not just by his family but by society at large. They are expected to be strong and tough both physically and mentally. They grow up feeling proud of their unemotional and logical thinking capacity. So it is no surprise to meet men who simply can not express any other feeling (or finds it very difficult) other than the three mentioned above. Yet men and sex is permitted. For most men, sex is one of the only areas where he is himself – confident and masculine. As a necessary proof of masculinity, sex and lots of it is not only permitted but also encouraged by our society – irrespective of the varied cultures men come from. What do you think these results in?

Sexual activity makes a man feel safe.

It reinforces his masculinity.

Sexual acceptance is required for men to feel emotionally accepted.

Men feel sex is establishing connectivity.

Many men see sex as one of the most convenient ways to get close to a woman and also please them.

Though being allowed to express themselves sexually is permitted to men from an early age makes them confident in sexual pursuits, it also makes them extremely vulnerable, as this is one area where they are compelled to let their guards down. They can feel extremely insecure as the fear of rejection in sex is impossible to be dissociated by men from fear of rejection of the man in totality. They think they are one and the same. Would they carry the hurt of sexual rejection? Most likely not, as this again is not an accepted type of emotion from a man. Given this type of nearly-universal kind of attitude towards sex, what kind of learning can we have from the broad concept of men and sex? Here are some universal truths about men and sex:

Most men often day dream about having sexual encounters with different partners at different situations.

It is common for men to masturbate with their favorite fantasies.

Most men, who use sex to express his softer emotions, can use sex for manipulating someone, again with only sex in mind.

There are times when it is possible for men to want sex only for the excitement of the act, rather than any desire for getting into a committed relationship. All he needs is a woman’s body – no return expectations of any expression of love like stroking or kissing is necessary. This explains that a man can have dispassionate sex with a woman one afternoon and the same evening have sex with a woman who he cares for.

Men can easily separate love from sex, which women often find difficult to do.

In summary, there is a quote I remember from Billy Crystal one of my favorite US comedians and movie actor which goes: “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” This I guess sums up all that is to be said about men and sex.

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