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Sex and Intimacy

They say ignorance is bliss; sexual ignorance, however can come between sex and intimacy in a big way. So says World Health Organization, which confirms that ignorance about sexual matters is the world-wide leading cause of confusion, disharmony and sexual difficulties. Since sex involves two people engaged in intense physical contact which may take both the partners to another realm of joy, peace and happiness, it is not unnatural for people to equate sex and intimacy and put them on the same platform, as if sex can not happen without intimacy. The truth is in fact far from it. After a sexual intercourse you may be left with feelings of inadequacy, apprehensions about a possible unwanted pregnancy which is far from any feeling of love and intimacy. In fact, low levels of sex education resulting in repression and inhibition of healthy sexual expression is the major concern of a book called "The Folklore of Sex and the American Sexual Tragedy" by Albert Ellis. Interestingly, our society has very skewed opinions about sex and intimacy, and the concept is ridden with various myths. One of the most common myths about sex and intimacy is that they always go hand in hand. The reality is that they can be interchanged as well as remain exclusive to each other. Sex can lead to intimacy in a relationship as well as intimacy can lead to sex in a couple. Where is the scope of intimacy in one night stands, sex between strangers or sex as a cure for loneliness? On the other hand it is quite possible for a couple to have a caring and intimate relationship where there is no chance of a sexual encounter. A healthy relationship could start from being intimate and then integrating with sexual activity.

The other myth about sex and intimacy is that their link can remain constant if there is ‘love’ between the couple. In today’s age of liberated thinking and freedom of expression, it is not unnatural for ‘love’ to change or even evaporate for newer interests and passions. Sex and intimacy can remain at an ‘intense’ state and gradually come down to ‘steady’ or even ‘non-existent’ state, depending on people and circumstances.

Another myth is that to have sex one must be intimate. Let us not forget that sexual intercourse is a physical act where a man needs erection, ejaculation and orgasm to make it complete. A couple may share complete intimacy but the man may not have all these physical expressions to have fulfilling sex.

There are times when people tend to quantify sex and intimacy by the number of sexual intercourses or orgasms a couple have in a week or month. Likewise they measure it by the size of the breasts or the penis or the duration of one episode of intercourse. Unfortunately sex and intimacy can never be quantified, in stead can be qualitatively analyzed by the degree of fulfillment and satisfaction which sex brings about to both the members of the couple. Women want intimacy more than men. This is another myth about sex and intimacy. Both demand pleasure and enjoyment from sex – there is no point in putting the onus of managing the relationship only on the woman.

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